The Blahs…

Sorry for the lack of posts, guys. Recently I’ve been hit with a string of “blah” days.

The last couple of days I’ve been sick. I also had my appointment with the dental specialist on Tuesday; all four wisdom teeth are (finally) coming out this Tuesday. I’ve definitely been enjoying the pharmaceuticals. I’m a fan.

But other than the physical ailments, I’ve been in a bit of a depression rut for a few weeks. I go through this all the time. Up & Down. Up & Down. I refuse to take a regular medication for it because I’d rather feel depressed and sad than not feel. When I was loaded up on anti-depression medications a few years ago, I hated it. It completely stifled my creativity. Now, I only take a medication for anxiety as needed and because I’m so anxious, it’s usually a few times a week (especially since working at the theater). In a really sick way, I thrive on my erratic emotions for creating art. Whatever form I chose to work in, I can utilize those crazy emotions. But being depressed always sucks. Anxiety and Depression are one of those things that people who have never really understood them criticize you for. In fact, my best friend doesn’t believe in either of these illnesses. I can see her points but they are definitely a disease and they definitely require attention when necessary.

I’m not one of those people who will try and gain sympathy or attention for my ups and downs. I hide it. My parents don’t believe in depression either, so my whole life I’ve just been made to feel like there is something wrong with me that I need to figure out and it’s hard to think about anything during those times; how the hell do you “figure it out”? The inevitable isolation sets in and in most cases, I seek the isolation so I can avoid hearing people tell me that there’s nothing wrong with me and that I have nothing to be sad about. -I know. I just am.

I have so much fun stuff to post about though: My bathing suits. My new clothes. New make-up and beauty bargains, and I had a roof-top photo shoot with my bass for band purposes. (These are preliminary photos, more to come) but I can’t wait to post the edited ones.

I came across this piece by a San Fransisco artist named Sylvia Ji and wanted to share.

Over the next few days I will be all cooped-up recovering from the surgery so I plan on getting all my blogging in then. I’m sure I’ll have even more fun and interesting things to share with you by then!

Lots of fun posts to come!

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