2012 MTV VMAs

Ugh. What a terrible way to start off a year of award show coverage. The fashion on display at tonight’s VMAs was absolutely atrocious and the performances were just as bad. There’s no way to ease into this (that’s what she said) so here we go. Red carpet fashion first then, “highlights” from the show.

THE WORST DRESSED

P!nk, Zoe Saldana, Demi Lovato

Pink, Zoe Saldana and Demi Lovato were the least offensive of the offensive dressers. Bad but not absolutely horrible. Pink, This looks hot and not good-hot; sweaty, smelly hot. Zoe’s dress actually doesn’t look all that bad in this photo, in fact, it looks pretty good. However, during the show, when she was introducing a performance the dress looked like an absolute mess. Demi. IDK what to say. This doesn’t completely suck… but it sucks all the same.

Jessica Szohr, Nicki Minaj, Regina Spektor, Maria Menounos

Jessica – What is this? I do know it’s horrid. Did you cut those slits yourself? Nicki – I know you’re all about being a “character” but this looks like a rejected Spider-man costume. Regina – You look like an awkward 8th grader at the school dance. Maria – No. Just, no.

2012 USA Olympics Gymnastics team and Swimmer Missy Franklin

Who let our Olympians dress themselves? Everyone looks horrible… and manish… I don’t care, I said it.

Jersey Shore cast members

Some of the cast of The Jersey Shore… ’nuff said. Ok, Pauly D looks good (from the forehead down)… Ronnie, Sammie and Deena all look like they are attending the same 8th grade dance as Regina Spektor. Poor Vinnie looks like he’s dressing as Michael Jackson for Halloween.

THE ABSOLUTE WORST DRESSED

Miley Cyrus

The absolute WORST dressed of the night was Pink… I’m sorry, Morticia Adams… nope, sorry again, Miley Cyrus. The best looking thing about Miley is Liam Hemsworth and he’s not in these pictures.

Ok.. enough of the bad (and unfortunately there was far too much of it tonight) Onto the Good!

THE BEST DRESSED

Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Taylor Swift

Katy Perry – normally, I doubt this wouldve made my Best list but tonight, it was one of the few that didn’t reek of tastelessness. Ke$ha – Yes! Kesha is included in my Best list. She looks good… for her. Taylor Swift – I like the white suit. It looks good. Unfortunately it’s tainted with her desperation to be a Kennedy.

Yeah, thats it for the Best Dressed. 3 people. However I do have a tie for The Absolute Best Dressed:

THE ABSOLUTE BEST DRESSED

Rhianna

Rhianna looked absolutely fab. Love this crisp, white greek goddess look.

Emma Watson

EMMA WATSON!!! My favorite for the night (and most nights). I can’t wait to see Miss Watson in Perks of Being a Wallflower. I think this dress is young and fun and totally appropriate for the night.

Now, before we move onto the show, I need to address something:

Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz, Wiz Khalifa, Amber Rose

If you’re still carrying the baby, as in pregnant like Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa, its ok to “bring” your baby to an award show, especially if you look as good as these two did. HOWEVER, if you are carrying that kid in your arms, GET A BABY SITTER. Damn. And come on… both Alicia and Swizz looked stupid on the red carpet. Especially Alicia in this horrible, horrible gown; she looks like she’s marrying the Tin Man.

One with the show…

Kevin Hart hosted this year’s VMAs. Now, Kevin Hart is hysterical! So I naturally figured he’d be a fantastic host for the night’s events. I was wrong. He spent too much time trying to make “real” points like how Kristen Stewart shouldn’t be judged for making a mistake and how Chris Brown and Drake would stop fighting. You know, the realest of real issues. It was a waste of time.

Rhianna opened the show with a performance of Cockiness. The only thing I thought was great about her performance was how into the audience she got, right in the crowd. Until I realized, throughout the show, how EVERYONE was getting in the middle of the audience… it became weird and a little uncomfortable.

One Direction’s Thats What Makes You Beautiful won for Best Pop Video. They picked up a few moonmen tonight including Best New Artist.

Pink’s performance wasn’t amazing but compared to the others it was probably the best of the night… which is really strange. Not as strange as the fact that Pink has people buying her music for over 12 years now. I did like the dancing lip ladies and Pink’s lips swing.

Chris Brown won Best Male Video for Turn Up The Music. He accepted with his ridiculous and not a bit sexy or excusable white and blue-bangs hair.

Frank Ocean’s performance was HORRIBLE! Everyone was talking about how he “stole the show”. The only thing he stole was time from everyone who witnessed his performance of Thinkin’ ‘Bout You.

Hey! Who has two thumbs and can’t stand Rashida Jones OR Andy Sanberg?!

Ugh… the worst. They are both so painful to watch. They were presenting the award for Best Hip Hop Video.

Drake and Lil Wayne won and for some reason Nicki Minaj and two other gentlemen had to join them in accepting their statue. It is at this moment when I began to rewind the cut to Rhianna over and over and over because i’m pretty freaking sure she mouths “I fucking hate that asshole”. If you have it on your DVR or OnDemand or if you change the channel to MTV it’s probably on, check it out and let me know what you think.

I also think she and Katy Perry were talking shit the entire show about everyone and loving every minute of it.

Ya know, they really just don’t make boy bands like they used to. Moping about on stage… where’s the sick moves guys? You aint got shit on Justin! What?! They are total little cuties though. If I were 13 I’d be lovin’ that!

Nicki Minaj’s Starships won for Best Female Video. Every time I hear her speak, I find her more and more annoying, sad and off-putting. I love many of her songs; can’t stand her. And why the hell does she require a two man escort to the stage?

Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz performed. It was lame. And Weezy needs to never not wear sunglasses; his eyes are creepy as fuck. A very messy performance. A skateboard? (The side-by-side pic of Lil Wayne and Donnie from The Wild Thornberries, that’s starting to circulate, is spot on.)

I’m pretty sure Emma Watson was wasted when she introduced Green Day with her Perks of Being a Wallflower costar, Ezra Miller. She looked a little stumble-y.

Not enough rock stars OD anymore. Now they stick around way too long and make progressively shittier and shittier music. This was the perfect place in the show to take a bathroom break without pausing my DVR since we’ve all heard this song before; for the last 17 years.

Alicia Keys performed Girl on Fire and was shockingly bad. She was awful. What happened to that 18 year old musical wonder-girl who gave us all a reason to believe in neo-soul?

Rhianna won the biggest award of the night, Video of the Year for We Found Love. … I do like that song and video…

… and then THAT happened. Was it really necessary to include the spoken break-down in the middle? It’s awkwardly placed and completely unnecessary on the track but in a live setting now? Ridic. I love the outfit though. Ascetically it was ok but, ugh, this girl…

That was it. Thanks for reading!

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Thanks again for reading! Love, GK

Complete list of nominees and winners

Video of the Year
Katy Perry, “Wide Awake”
Gotye, “Somebody That I Used To Know”
*WINNER: Rihanna, “We Found Love”
Drake feat. Rihanna, “Take Care”
M.I.A., “Bad Girls”

Best New Artist
Fun. feat. Janelle Monae, “We Are Young”
Carly Rae Jepsen, “Call Me Maybe”
Frank Ocean, “Swim Good”
*WINNER: One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful”
The Wanted, “Glad You Came”

Best Pop Video
*WINNER: One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful”
Fun. feat. Janelle Monae, “We Are Young”
Rihanna, “We Found Love”
Justin Bieber, “Boyfriend”
Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa, “Payphone”

Best Female Video
Rihanna, “We Found Love”
Katy Perry, “Part of Me”
Beyoncé, “Love on Top”
*WINNER: Nicki Minaj, “Starships”
Selena Gomez & The Scene, “Love You Like a Love Song”

Best Male Video
Justin Bieber, “Boyfriend”
Frank Ocean, “Swim Good”
Drake feat. Rihanna, “Take Care”
*WINNER: Chris Brown, “Turn Up the Music”
Usher, “Climax”

Best Hip-Hop Video
Childish Gambino, “Heartbeat”
*WINNER: Drake feat. Lil Wayne, “HYFR”
Kanye West feat. Pusha T, Big Sean & 2 Chainz, “Mercy”
Watch the Throne, “Paris”
Nicki Minaj feat. 2 Chainz, “Beez in the Trap”

Best Video With a Message
*WINNER: Demi Lovato, “Skyscraper”
Rise Against, “Ballad of Hollis Brown”
Kelly Clarkson, “Dark Side”
Gym Class Heroes, “The Fighter”
K’Naan feat. Nelly Furtado, “Is Anybody Out There?”
Lil Wayne, “How to Love”

Best Electronic Dance Music Video
Duck Sauce, “Big Bad Wolf”
*WINNER: Calvin Harris, “Feel So Close”
Skrillex, “First of the Year (Equinox)”
Martin Solveig, “The Night Out”
Avicii, “Le7els”

Best Rock Video
*WINNER: Coldplay, “Paradise”
The Black Keys, “Lonely Boy”
Linkin Park, “BURN IT DOWN”
Jack White, “Sixteen Saltines”
Imagine Dragons, “It’s Time”

Best Art Direction
*WINNER: Katy Perry, “Wide Awake”
Drake feat. Rihanna, “Take Care”
Lana Del Rey, “Born to Die”
Regina Spektor, “All the Rowboats”
Of Monsters & Men, “Little Talks”

Best Choreography
*WINNER: Chris Brown, “Turn Up the Music”
Rihanna, “Where Have You Been”
Beyoncé, “Countdown”
Avicii, “Le7els”
Jennifer Lopez f/Pitbull, “Dance Again”

Best Cinematography
*WINNER: M.I.A., “Bad Girls”
Adele, “Someone Like You”
Drake feat. Rihanna, “Take Care”
Coldplay feat. Rihanna, “Princess of China”
Lana Del Rey, “Born to Die”

Best Direction
*WINNER: M.I.A., “Bad Girls”
Duck Sauce, “Big Bad Wolf”
Coldplay feat. Rihanna, “Princess of China”
Frank Ocean, “Swim Good”
Watch the Throne, “Otis”

Best Editing
*WINNER: Beyoncé, “Countdown”
A$AP Rocky, “Goldie”
Gotye, “Somebody That I Used to Know”
Watch the Throne, “Paris”
Kanye West feat. Pusha T, Big Sean and 2 Chainz, “Mercy”

Best Visual Effects
Katy Perry, “Wide Awake”
Rihanna, “Where Have You Been”
David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, “Turn Me On”
Linkin Park, “BURN IT DOWN”
*WINNER: Skrillex, “First of the Year (Equinox)”

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